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"It is essential, officer."

9/5/2020

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Picture
PC Plod: 
“Hey you, yes, you sir!  What are you doing here when only essential travel is permitted!”

HWCC Member: 
“Ah yes, well, you see, officer, it is like this. Lawns are essential for the playing of croquet, a sport which is essential for our members’ wellbeing. By the way, one of our members is over 90!"
 
PC Plod: 
“Yes, that's as may be, but you have not explained why you found it essential to travel."
 
HWCC Member:  
"Oh, yes, mmm, well … not only are lawns essential, but it is equally essential that they are correctly marked out into courts.  This is very demanding, so it is essential that the task is undertaken by someone with the highest of court laying skills."
 
PC Plod:  
“Oh dear, sir, this is evading my question.  Why was your journey essential?"
 
HWCC Member:  
“Oh, I see.  You want to know why I had to travel to the club during the current lockdown.  Well, that is very easy to explain, if you will just give me a moment.
 
You see, not only are lawns essential, and correctly laid courts, but it is also essential that we have to have enough courts for our members to play on.  When the lockdown is lifted it is essential that we have four courts.  Now usually we only have two, so to squeeze a quart out of a pint pot, so to speak, it is essential that we create half courts.  This in turn means it is essential to create new hoop holes for the re-orientated smaller courts.  And, as I explained before it is essential that all this is done by highly skilled and experienced people.
 
Furthermore, and this is the most important thing, it is essential that the right hoop sets are used for each lawn as the carrots are a different size.  If they get mixed up there is a risk of loose hoops, rabbit runs, Barnes Wallis shots and who knows what.

So, it is essential you see.”
 
PC Plod departs, shaking his head.

Anon.
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Hazlemere Recreation Ground, Amersham Road, Hazlemere, Bucks, HP15 7QW
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The Recreation Ground is on the A404.  If approaching from the north, travel 400m south from the Hazlemere double roundabout, slow down at Holy Trinity Church on your left and look for a small road on your right with Croquet Club and Recreation Ground signs. Coming from the south (High Wycombe) direction, we are about a kilometre north of the Royal Grammar School. 
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  • Home
  • Latest News
  • Get Involved
  • About Us
  • About Croquet
  • Academy
  • Member Area
    • GC coaching schedule
    • Members and Roles
    • Book a Lawn
    • Lawn Booking Instructions
    • Membership fees
    • Weekly Schedule and What's On
    • Club Competitions
      • 2025 Summer Competitions
      • Report Summer Result
      • EV Status Summary
      • EV1 Status
      • EV2 Status
      • EV3 Status
      • EV4 Status
      • EV5 Status
      • EV6 Status
    • Inter-Club Fixtures
    • Library
    • Honours Board
    • Constitution and Committee Minutes