Killing Us Softly With His Song

The memo was abundantly clear: “Bottle of festive cheer and festive attire compulsory… to encourage you to dress festively, the least festive to do a forfeit e.g. sing a solo Christmas carol”.

And so it was that eight stalwart AC players turned up to the club on 19th December, to celebrate Christmas and enjoy wine, mince pies and each other’s company.  Oh, and to play croquet as well.
Soon it became clear that some had not read the memo.  
​At one extreme, Kenny Weir dressed as Santa and Richard Peperell channelled the wayward lovechild of Rod Stewart and an elf (although we are still trying to work the relationship between his “Where’s Wally?” pyjamas and Christmas.)
At the other extreme, Mike West, realising he was in civvies, rushed back to his car to retrieve his Christmas Elton John glasses.  (He claims he just had them in the car.) Richard Coward sported a reddish jumper which just passed as Christmassy, and poor Alan denied that he had ever received the memo.

And as the eight of us crowded into the clubhouse, eager to hear Alan perform his forfeit, the bearded Scot told us that, despite being the son of a clergyman, he knew no words to any carols.  He did, however, know some ‘holy songs’ and would be pleased to perform one for our ‘listening pleasure’.  It soon became apparent that the last two words in that sentence were misleading.  David Cotton whipped out his mandolin (like you do) to accompany Alan.  The ‘holy song’, it transpired, was a work of such vulgarity that its lyrics cannot be reprinted here.  In the claustrophobic clubhouse, it all proved too much and Alan, still singing, was ushered outside, followed by his accompanist and the other members.

As you can see from the photo, he pressed on regardless and the other members, having failed to find any ear defenders, showed their support by plugging their ears with their fingers.
It’s just possible if you are brave enough to go to the club at midnight on 3rd January (not only the next full moon, but a ‘Wolf Moon’) you’ll hear the strains – the word is used advisedly – of Alan’s musical tribute to Christmas.  

​And who knows?  Richard Peperell may be dancing an elfish dance to scare off the crows. 

David Cotton

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